gather 'round friends i have a story to tell

mighty is a friend of mine from the digital filmmaking workshop. today, he invited me over to his apt because he wanted to cook me lunch. i'm always curious to see where people live. also, free food? yes, please.



except he set up the lunch table IN HIS BEDROOM and when i walked in there was a candle burning and sexy time music. my bad, bro i thought you was gay. actually, i still do think he is gay and i say it to his face and he just laughs but then proceeds to talk about the happy ending massage he got WITH A MAN in the philippines and he questions me about the cute male friends i have on my facebook. nevertheless, the sexy time music was just bad ipod shuffle timing.



MFer laid out a seven course meal and refused to let me help "because it is korean tradition." not that i was complaining. he even gave me a goodie bag with food and a pack of cigarettes?



he cooked bbq pork in a hot plate. we then had to take a piece of lettuce and top it with rice, bbq pork, chunks of garlic, sauteed onions, and some spicy korean sauce. then you fold that bitch in half and shove it all in your mouth:



apparently, biting half of it is considered rude and disgusting because you can see the inside wrap after your first bite. the civil thing to do is eat it all in one go. needless to say, an errant piece of my particular lettuce leaf kept poking the back of my throat and i could neither chew nor maneuver the giant wrap i had just shoved in my mouth. it was the stem of the lettuce head that had gone too far back in my throat, so i started gagging, covered my mouth, and ran to the bathroom.

what i saw there did not help.




WARNING: THE FOLLOWING PHOTOS ARE NSFW/NOT SAFE FOR YOUR GAG REFLEX






SERIOUSLY







TURN AWAY





YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.....


there is a reason why mighty told me to use my apt bathroom before i came over to his place for lunch. he already warned me about it --


but i was not prepared.



ARE YOU STILL HERE?




REALLY?



for $400/mo he lives in this cramped apt building which permeated with a smell i can only describe as "funky." he lives with a roommate but they don't talk to each other. mighty used to clean, but his roommate never helped out, so eventually he gave up and so now NEITHER CLEANS. i should have gotten the hint wen i noticed that the once white kitchen sink was now covered by this black layer of sludge. there are no roaches or rats in the apartment, just flies. but it's a shitload of flies. when he uses the bathroom and he's sitting on the toilet, he has to move around because those flies will land on you.

THERE

WERE

A

LOT

OF

FLIES

surprisingly, none is his room but they were all over the apartment and seemed to have developed a hub in the bathroom.

flies come from maggots, don't they?

ugghhh i don't even wanna know.


ooohhhh but i bet you do....



perhaps they come from the HOLE IN THE BATHROOM CEILING which was just above the toilet. apparently, every time the person upstairs flushes their toilet, their toilet water comes out through the hole.



or maybe they come from THE LUMP OF SHIT CAKED ONTO THE TOILET LID.



maybe the SOBs climb up through the pipes in THE CRUSTY ASS SHOWER.

jfkasjfdkajfkslafjsklafjskladfjdskljfkldsjfksla!

the music from the shower scene in psycho played in my head, and i turned and ran back out to the kitchen followed by a trail of flies that were hot on the scent of my bbq pork lettuce wrap.

i was gagging near the sludge covered sink, and it was at this point where i realized that perhaps a lesser person would have lost their appetite/reached their limits and may have stormed out of the apartment. but i simply went back into the bedroom and asked mighty if he used flip flops in the shower.

apparently, he barefeets that junks.

/shudder

i was a trooper and ended up hanging out there for 4+ hours. the food was actually really good, and the only reason i was able to keep any of it down was by reminding myself that at least mighty's room was really neat and clean and so indirectly that meant that there would not be any maggots in my food.

he cooked a lot of the food in the kitchen but cooked the pork, mushrooms, onions and garlic on a hot pot directly on the table, so that savory bbq smell was a welcome distraction. i brought some food home to cristy, and though i warned her, i refused to show her any of the apartment photos until after she had eaten.

tonight cristy and i are heading out to karaoke with some of her dc friends who are coming up for the weekend. i hope mighty comes, as i'm becoming quite fond of that 'mo (as i'm wont to do).

R train

dear sir or madam,

i think i speak on behalf of every 4-9 year old child and/or all those in the 3'11"-4'11" height range when i ask: really?

yes safety should come first but is your ass crack really the only thing you could use to hold the subway pole? i feel for the unknowing victims who often hold onto the pole to stabilize themselves and wonder why it's so warm (though admittedly sometimes pleasantly so).

sir or madam i also notice that you are holding a 3-ring binder betwixt your thighs. i sincerely apologize if by some birth defect or tragic accident you no longer have use of your hands, but may i suggest the crook of your elbow or the head-to-shoulder technique that seems to work so well for cell phones?

alive!

wow this blog is 3 years old. don't have the heart to delete it.

i'm in new york now. living the poor life.

i don't really miss dc, but i do miss my friends on the daily. at one point there were 8 of us in that shared house.

= hot tranny mess from transylvania who's not even apologizing for it.

oh, the stories i have to share. :)

xoxo,
mc

housewarming

for the record, the cake reads: Sorry for peeing on the futon.

i cannot make this stuff up, folks.

the whole concept of "housewarming" went a bit far. passing out and peeing yourself on the furniture is pretty high up there on the list of greatest party fouls you can commit. right up there with setting the host house on fire...

check and check.

whatever, it's still a really pretty house and we may forgive you one day.

not soon though.

pong

this is a pic of my sister and her boyfriend playing ping pong:



more importantly, this is a pic of the free ping pong table we picked up friday night from mclean, va.

dom and i were trolling craigslist at about 3am thurs night/fri morning, as we're wont to do. he stumbled upon this little beauty and convinced me to go for it. i thought it would be a nice addition to our new place in dc, but seeing as it's gynormous, it has instead found a new home in the basement of minority court.

i'm a little more than addicted.

in conclusion, i love ping pong and free things in general.

may 31, 2007

dear friend,

today i finally had time to sit down and read the perks of being a wallflower. it's cristy's copy. all her favorite parts are bracketed in black ink and have little comments like "aww" or ":)" and sometimes ":(" they're not necessarily long passages or quotable quotes. some of them are just words or phrases that jump out at you and make you think. make you smile. make you nod your head in some type of acknowledgment of a shared experience.

here are some of things she bracketed which saved me time from doing it myself:

- we accept the love we think we deserve.
- if he didn't leave, it would never be his life. it would be theirs.
- i want to make sure that the first person you kiss loves you.

the last one was bracketed, awww'ed, and unhappy-faced.

it's cute and kind of like her own way of participating with the book.

i like how the main character's name is charlie. i don't know why i like that name so much.

if you haven't read the book, it's about growing up and the angst of adolescence, friendships that make you feel infinite, and the quirks of a loving family. there are also bits about sex, drugs, and alcohol. check, check, checkity, check. kidding? i wish there were someone like Bill to encourage me to write an essay about the book and to tell me that i'm special. but i graduated from college 1.5 weeks ago and probably will never have to write an essay ever again.

reading the book brought back a lot of memories. not just about high school but also college and life in general. i wonder if it's normal to always feel like you're on the brink of growing up. i didn't have a pen to add my favorite part to this worn out copy, but i dog-eared the page where sam repeatedly encourages charlie to live in the moment. i think that's part of the epilogue.

i'm not really sure what i'm doing with my life or where i'll be next year or even next month. instead of being worried or stressed-out, i like the idea of living in the moment. i'm going to try to do it.

i'm sorry that this letter has taken such a digression. what i really wanted to say is: i have not left the house in three days, but ironically i am still homeless. this temporary move back home post-grad is slowly sucking the life out of me, but i do enjoy waking up at 2pm.

love always,
me

happy mama's day

i was checking mom's email last night, as per request. i noticed an old email from sis that she had sent to mom. it was marked as read, but mom never replied to it. so 10 days later (mother's day) i decide it would be a good idea to reply to sis' email from mom's account b/c it would make her day that mom is thinking about her on this special day:

my dearest cristy,

today is mother's day. thank you for your gift of NOTHING. i'm sorry i ever gave birth to you.

xoxo,
mom

ok, so i didn't really sign it "mom" but used my name instead. good thing too b/c apparently sis is way insecure.

her response to me:

why are you always messing with me??! my jaw kind of dropped when i read that and i was like holy shit why would mom write such a mean email.

can you sense the panic in there? i can and it makes me feel warm inside. roflcopter.

the moral of this story? tell your family you love them. then mess with them a little. rinse and repeat.

ontd.

so it's 2:44 AM and i'm lying here in bed frickin' spooning knifing with my 27-year-old brother in a hotel in nyc.



notice how the knives are straight and do not at any point intersect.

sick bastards.

sis graduates from nyu at 10:30AM. no, we are not twins.

mom and dad are in the next bed over, snoring in unison. i've turned on my ipod in an attempt to drown them out. there's something more than a little unsettling about knifing with my brother while akon's "i wanna **** you" plays in the background. if i weren't so lazy, i'd jump out of bed and throw up a little.

damn you, uncensored version!

/shake fist

i have two final projects and a story to turn in before i can even think about celebrating my own graduation.

hmmm...it just struck me that maybe i still have two final projects and a story to get did because of the fact that i've already started celebrating?

whoaaa consequences!

joint graduation/joint bday (mom's and kuya's) bbq at our place coming up.

we're threatening to have those inflatable sumo wrestling suits and other things that perpetuate asian stereotypes.

karaoke????

in conclusion: i told kuya that if i wake up to his spooning me, i will straight up pop him in the face.

just kidding. i loves my family. have i said that lately?

little girls are evil

i'm not sure when, why, or how this idea originated, but i'm convinced that little girls are evil. i've thought this for a while and have been open about my hesitance toward my own uterus bearing demonic mini-me's. i might just pull an angelina and hand pick my own accessory boy child, if only to safeguard against evil little girls.

in an attempt to not write this final project required for graduation, i've compiled a short list of examples as to why i think little girls are evil:

5) Dolly Dearest -



ok, so technically Dolly Dearest is--well, she's doll--but whatevs. watching at age 7(?) any movie about the spirit of a devil child from the ancient devil-worshipping Sanzia tribe that takes over the body of a mass-produced child's doll is bound to fuck you up a little, yeah? and ok, so Dolly Dearest is a poor man's Chucky, but the fact remains that little girls are evil.

4) Angelica Pickles -

is that make-up and eyeliner? i smell teenage pregnancy and future homewrecker. you grew up too soon and never had a childhood because you were always taking care of your little cousins? mommy didn't have enough time for you? wah wah wah. suck it up and keep it closed you little scag.

3) Raven Baxter - you're not actually on the evil list because you're too grown. i think inherent to the definition of evil little girl is the fact that one still be a little girl. nevertheless, you're psychic and super powers of any kind = the win. so...really i'm just giving a shout out to that's so raven.

2) Sanjaya Malakar -




oops, honest mistake. my apologies...


and finally the #1 influential factor as to why little girls are evil:


1) because it's cute when they are.




so finals are coming up and then graduation. i expect a few months of unemployment to follow as well. naturally, that means mandatory procrastination updates.

ooohhh, yeaaaah.

to whom it may concern:

i went into the basement to use your computer and couldn't help but notice, that between the empty beer cans and stale plates of pizza, stood a half-used bottle of KY water-based lubricant.

having not yet touched the computer and accompanying keyboard, i found this discovery more than slightly amusing. admittedly, it was 2am and my need for a computer was not that pressing, so i decided i'd pass out on the couch and toss around accusations tomorrow.

wake up and complete my unfinished business re: computer usage. apparently, the same thought had crossed your mind since the ky bottle is now MIA.

moral dilemma: 1) confront or 2) dismiss.

i'm a jerk; i chose the former. of course, i'm also as graceful as a dead moose, and i approach with, "so...saw your lube by the computer last night. discuss."

you pull a clinton on me and deny, deny, deny but there's something in the way your facial facade cracks, and that half-smile/half-laugh contortion you try to hide alludes to a deep seeded shame.

be shamed!

or, you know, just own up to it and i'll promptly stop.

afterall, awkward moments are only fun when they make others uncomfortable.

holla.

you know you're a mess when:

you go to see the doctor for your TOE but come out with prescription codeine for viral bronchitis.

the directions say 2 teaspoons every 6 hours or as needed. lacking a teaspoon, i've guesstimated that 2 swigs straight from the bottle every 4 hours would suffice.

also, i had another point to make in this entry, but i can't seem to recall.

bus 32

i met a guy on the bus today. straight from work, i hopped on the bus and fell, yet again, slightly in love.

his red and green jacket matched his wool cap, and his pin striped pants dangled precariously above his ankle socks and boots. funny guy. as soon as i boarded the bus, i knew i wanted to sit next to him. not that there were many options, but his smile was inviting.

we sat in silence for about 9 seconds but ended up talking the rest of the way. it must have been at the half-way point when he dropped something about wanting to take me out to dinner.

of course, i laughed.

his response was to laugh and then raise the offer to dinner and movie.

1) i didn't know laughing was a bargaining tool.
2) i don't know how i managed to sidestep that one, but i did.

we kept talking for the rest of the bus ride, and he would bring up the possibility of a date every now and then. i finally broke and asked, "how old are you, gary?"

"63," he says after a moment to tally up everything.

when i grow up i want to be spry and full of life.

he told me that he spent today hanging out in mcdonalds. when i asked if he was there with his friends, he said no. he likes to sit there and look around/watch people.

then he asked me out for a drink and told me about a time he went to a bar and the waitress took his $5 bill for a $4 beer and didn't bring him back his change. "she tried to be sly!" he accused. "so then i took that dollar back and gave it to the other waitress."

haha i love it.

it was awkward when it was time for my stop. i shook his hand again and told him to stay young. gary kept saying that he hoped to see me again. i pushed the stop request button near the back exit, and stood there for probably less than a minute, but it seemed so long.

he kept turning and looking back to see if i was looking at him. i finally gave in and looked and we laughed at the awkwardness of this goodbye.

i take the bus everyday, but i don't think i've ever had that much fun or laughed so much. gary honestly made my day. every now and then i start to feel a little jaded and it's always energizing to find that genuine, nice people still exist. i wanted to take a picture of gary just to prove it, but lacking a camera, i promised to write it down instead.

gary said i had a great personality, and that it would get me far in life. i was embarrassed because i was thinking the same thing about him, but hadn't the nerve to say it. i wanted to tell him that i'd be his friend. we could hang out at mcdonalds together -- people watch and talk shit on the customers. we could even share fashion tips since he was so into my scarf and (admittedly) it was his festive wool cap and jacket that lured me to sit next to him.

or maybe it was his smile, the kind that lifts your cheeks up so high that your eyes disappear. it was followed by a laugh so full of soul, sight had no choice but to give in.

new year & new plans

dom has a sense of purpose to which i can only aspire. if only we were all lucky enough to know which way we're going. happy new year.

12:18:35 AM hoyadom: i have sorted out some stuff
12:18:42 AM norefundaisle: yeah? what's the update
12:19:20 AM hoyadom: my top U.S. cities (if i do stay here): 1. San Francisco 2. Denver 3. Seattle 4. DC
12:19:34 AM norefundaisle5: ohhh what do you like about seattle?
12:19:46 AM norefundaisle5: aside from that season of real world, i mean
12:19:50 AM norefundaisle5: and why is it higher than dc
12:19:55 AM hoyadoms: well, i've been watching grey's anatomy a lot
12:19:57 AM hoyadoms: and it looks pretty
12:20:13 AM norefundaisle5: no you didnt
12:20:15 AM norefundaisle5: NO YOU DIDNT
12:20:28 AM hoyadoms: also, i think i want to be surgeon
12:20:30 AM hoyadoms: just saying

whoa consequences!

a) what constitutes a prostitute is the pursuit of profit.
b) i work for free.
c) i am not a prostitute.
d) i could still be a ho.

If A given B, then C.
Regardless of C, perhaps D?

logic games = the reason why i will never get around to applying to law school.

i'm dragging my feet on these finals, these papers, and this kind-of-a-big-deal decision i have to make for next semester (which actually has nothing to do with law school but everything to do with wordplay).

spring '07 is the last semester of my senior undergrad career.

career.

i wish that word would stop popping up so much, even if it is just in my own mind.

i keep asking grown ups for their opinions and advice. then i realized i was really asking my peers. when the hell did we transition into that category? i have a feeling like i've no control over anything. which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but more like feeling that what's going to happen is going to happen, and even though there's nothing i can do, i can at least try to enjoy the ride.

is this what growing up feels like? i assume it's reminiscent of how an inmate would feel when he drops the bar of soap -- an overwhelming urge to try to change your fate, but pessimistically thinking "would it really make a difference?" that's the worst feeling the world, isn't it? the paralyzing hopelessness one feels during those 2.3 seconds after the bar accidentally slips from your fingertips. before it hits the ground of the shower room all those should'ves, would'ves, what ifs and maybes cross your mind.

should have - used soap on a rope
what if - i had a loufa?
would'a - pumice stone help exfoliate my skin?

dear mr. inmate, don't be scared. accept your fate, grab on, and enjoy the ride...

do you find that comforting? should i?

random metro observations

1:30am - 2:15am :

* red line: there's a man who looks like he's in his early 30s eating a girl's face. she can't be any older than 15. i'm sitting near the door, and there's this see through glass barrier separating me from the pedophile. i accidentally catch myself making a face at them, looking as if i just threw up a little in my own mouth -- which i did. i contemplate a movie plot about zombies, and if i had a flame thrower, a really good action sequence would follow wherein i save the little girl from the brain-eating face-eating zombie. sadly, i do not have a flame thrower, and so i just sit there and exchange concerned glances with the lady sitting across the aisle.

* gallery place green line xfer: this european guy is lost and doesn't know how to get to the yellow line. he asks me if he can follow me to the xfer. i jokingly say ok but he can't stand so close to me b/c he looks sketch (he was actually very good looking, but i like to be mean to hot people out of pure spite and jealousy). hot european guy and i talk a little and part ways at the xfer. he says, "thank you, i'd be lost without you," and i reply by offering him the chance to father my childrens...except i don't actually say that out loud.

* green line: it's crowded with all the umd kids from college park who came down to dc to party. they're probably calling it a night and heading back on the last train out to maryland, which sucks b/c it's only 2am. the metro should run later. two guys are doing pull-ups on the metro poles and flipping/somersaulting in an attempt to impress their lady friends. i'm not-so-secretly hoping one of them will fall and injure himself, or at least bruise his ego a little. one of the girls starts doing a runway model walk down the length of the metro car. if i had 3 wishes, i'd use one on getting the conductor to slam on the brakes at that very second. it would have been a wish well spent.

* college park stop: everyone leaves the metro. i look around and realize i'm the only one left. more zombie movie plots pop into my head, but i get scared and start humming probably the most relaxing/reassuring song ever recorded: smack that by akon.

aviator sunglasses and parliament cigarettes

so i get offended whenever anyone calls me emo or hipster. to be honest, i don't really understand.

but then i was shown this:



and compared it to this:



oooohhh nooooes!

so now i'm crying in my room while waiting for my hair to grow out and saving money so i can buy multiple collared polos. oh, yes. i cannot wait for the the day when it's cold enough so i can wear three polos at the same time and pop all the collars while wearing a pastel colored skirt with bees stitched to the bum*

without people judging me.

b/c then, and only then, will i be unrestricted by preset labels and my individuality will shine through...

or not.


---
*accessorized with a pair of black leggings from the 80's

stfu and get in.

it's cold! i can't feel my fingers; i can't feel my toes. it was gorgeous all week and then bam 40 degree weather. consequently, we unofficially dubbed today "lazy friday" and stayed indoors until we ran out of things to do.

sooo, apparently i'm really good at convincing people that bad ideas sound better than they actually are. and by "people" i mean kemi, and by "bad ideas" i mean getting her to fit inside a suitcase.



i'm proud of my work.

she was hesitant at first. you could definitely tell in her voice that she was not committed to the idea, so i had to step in and make stuff up about simply being able to fold her legs over her body in some contortionist type of way. of course i was making all of this up, but that's beside the point.



it took a bit, but kemi was a trooper and finally got in. then i jumped in and locked the ho away.



if you're reading this, then you understand the effects of boredom. please don't judge us.

we're celebrating my sis' 24th bday tomorrow at some belly dancing restaurant. more awkward videos and photos? yes, please.

picture post - dc

here's to another crazy, sleep-deprived week. senior year is lame in ways words cannot describe. when exactly did switching majors senior year seem like the best idea in the world?



it has its ups though, this weekend being one of them.



that's not actually our sign. we snuck in with the UMD apo chapter. love?



the weather was gross and wet on saturday, but the rest of the 3-day weekend weather made up for it. yesterday we decided to be nerds and study on the national mall. beaauuutiful! it was the perfect day to fall in love, except we all fail at life and spent our time watching shirtless runners instead.











we all agreed that we don't nearly take enough advantage of dc, so we're gonna put more effort into getting our tourist on. you're welcome to join us!

damn, girl.

wow i definitely haven't been updating nearly as much as i did while abroad. i guess the whole allure of an abroad blog dies down once -- you know -- you get back.

back into the groove of school. senior year is a mess. all of my free time has disappeared, except for the disproportionate amount of time i spend on myspace.

mom randomly brought me a giant cucumber and two kiwis. just dropped them off and left. i cannot make this kind of stuff up, folks.



i'm sure she expected me to eat it, but silly me left my new camera out last week and came back to the apartment to find:



and evidence of other inappropriate actions that occurred during my absence.

they also left some video bites on my memory card. i tried to upload the videos, but apparently youtube has some ethics/morality clause. who knew?

kapamilya

my little cousin is 15 years old now. he used to be so tiny and harmless, and i'd shove him in the basement and lock him down there while yelling, "omg there's a monster behind you! monsttteerr!!!"

now he's taller than me, all muscular, and looks old. one of those unnatural types of buffness where your muscles take over your neck. i don't mess with him anymore.

sis and i spent every single day entertaining him this week. we haven't seen him in forever, and this was his last week of summer vacation before school. we pretty much did whatever he wanted to do:

+ go-kart racing, where he flipped me the bird twice after cutting me off.
+ mini golfing - he hit his ball 3 holes over just so he could chase it down and mack on some 20 somethings(!!!).
+ movies - snakes on a plane again, please.
+ taught him how to play basketball.
+ survived food posioning from pizza hut.
+ impromptu karaoke.
+ ghost hunting.
+ loaded questions.
+ lots and lots of video games.

i'm now a fan of tekken 3. apparently, if you continuously hit all the buttons in a seizure-like state, you're bound to win each and every time.

moving into my apartment tomorrow. i love my family and my roomies (already).