mighty is a friend of mine from the digital filmmaking workshop. today, he invited me over to his apt because he wanted to cook me lunch. i'm always curious to see where people live. also, free food? yes, please.
except he set up the lunch table IN HIS BEDROOM and when i walked in there was a candle burning and sexy time music. my bad, bro i thought you was gay. actually, i still do think he is gay and i say it to his face and he just laughs but then proceeds to talk about the happy ending massage he got WITH A MAN in the philippines and he questions me about the cute male friends i have on my facebook. nevertheless, the sexy time music was just bad ipod shuffle timing.
MFer laid out a seven course meal and refused to let me help "because it is korean tradition." not that i was complaining. he even gave me a goodie bag with food and a pack of cigarettes?
he cooked bbq pork in a hot plate. we then had to take a piece of lettuce and top it with rice, bbq pork, chunks of garlic, sauteed onions, and some spicy korean sauce. then you fold that bitch in half and shove it all in your mouth:
apparently, biting half of it is considered rude and disgusting because you can see the inside wrap after your first bite. the civil thing to do is eat it all in one go. needless to say, an errant piece of my particular lettuce leaf kept poking the back of my throat and i could neither chew nor maneuver the giant wrap i had just shoved in my mouth. it was the stem of the lettuce head that had gone too far back in my throat, so i started gagging, covered my mouth, and ran to the bathroom.
what i saw there did not help.
WARNING: THE FOLLOWING PHOTOS ARE NSFW/NOT SAFE FOR YOUR GAG REFLEX
SERIOUSLY
TURN AWAY
YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.....
there is a reason why mighty told me to use my apt bathroom before i came over to his place for lunch. he already warned me about it --
but i was not prepared.
ARE YOU STILL HERE?
REALLY?
for $400/mo he lives in this cramped apt building which permeated with a smell i can only describe as "funky." he lives with a roommate but they don't talk to each other. mighty used to clean, but his roommate never helped out, so eventually he gave up and so now NEITHER CLEANS. i should have gotten the hint wen i noticed that the once white kitchen sink was now covered by this black layer of sludge. there are no roaches or rats in the apartment, just flies. but it's a shitload of flies. when he uses the bathroom and he's sitting on the toilet, he has to move around because those flies will land on you.
THERE
WERE
A
LOT
OF
FLIES
surprisingly, none is his room but they were all over the apartment and seemed to have developed a hub in the bathroom.
flies come from maggots, don't they?
ugghhh i don't even wanna know.
ooohhhh but i bet you do....
perhaps they come from the HOLE IN THE BATHROOM CEILING which was just above the toilet. apparently, every time the person upstairs flushes their toilet, their toilet water comes out through the hole.
or maybe they come from THE LUMP OF SHIT CAKED ONTO THE TOILET LID.
maybe the SOBs climb up through the pipes in THE CRUSTY ASS SHOWER.
jfkasjfdkajfkslafjsklafjskladfjdskljfkldsjfksla!
the music from the shower scene in psycho played in my head, and i turned and ran back out to the kitchen followed by a trail of flies that were hot on the scent of my bbq pork lettuce wrap.
i was gagging near the sludge covered sink, and it was at this point where i realized that perhaps a lesser person would have lost their appetite/reached their limits and may have stormed out of the apartment. but i simply went back into the bedroom and asked mighty if he used flip flops in the shower.
apparently, he barefeets that junks.
/shudder
i was a trooper and ended up hanging out there for 4+ hours. the food was actually really good, and the only reason i was able to keep any of it down was by reminding myself that at least mighty's room was really neat and clean and so indirectly that meant that there would not be any maggots in my food.
he cooked a lot of the food in the kitchen but cooked the pork, mushrooms, onions and garlic on a hot pot directly on the table, so that savory bbq smell was a welcome distraction. i brought some food home to cristy, and though i warned her, i refused to show her any of the apartment photos until after she had eaten.
tonight cristy and i are heading out to karaoke with some of her dc friends who are coming up for the weekend. i hope mighty comes, as i'm becoming quite fond of that 'mo (as i'm wont to do).
